it's easy to feel alone on this side of the country (and world) when many of those we love live so far away.

every time i clean the apartment, though, i'm reminded of how many things i have that people have given me out of love. for example:

- the small blue lamp that sandy gave us because she knows i love blue

- the nutcracker that looks like scrooge that our theater group gave us last christmas

- the blanket that my tias brought us when all of them came to our wedding

- the wooden dinosaur with tiny hidden drawers that my grandparents bought for me while we were visiting atitlan

- the picture of mike as a baby that scott gave me when i graduated from college (i still think he was trying to con me into having kids by proving how adorable their gene pool is)

- the puzzle shaped like france with all the pieces that look like animals that herve and marie christine gave me when i left france

- the tile with a dove on it that heidi gave me when i left illinois

- the bear that my pooh people gave me when i left for france. and the dog that they gave me when i left for grad school

(boy, i sure do receive a lot of parting gifts...)

- the pictures of baxter's adorable nieces and nephews that my aunt miriam sends in the mail

- the note on my refrigerator from when my father sent my mother and me flowers during my knee surgery. it says "be of good cheer. this will turn around soon."

i know these are objects and that by keeping them all around i'm contributing to clutter. but there's just something about dusting off the bear's head and thinking: mary. cammy. sally. margaret. or sleeping under the blanket that traveled a thousand miles with all of my aunts' good wishes (edna. nelly. esme. nora. leti.) just to be on our bed.

and so it is that in this notoriously isolating city, we are daily reminded of all of you, loved ones, and all those things inevitably make us smile.

even as we dust them.